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Uniqueness of Memorialization

Wed, 28 Feb 2018 21:14:05 GMT

Uniqueness of Memorialization

Abell Funeral Home remains on the forefront of unique and meaningful memorialization. We offer traditional services, burial or cremation, memorialization items, online obituaries with the availability for photos, video and online condolences. We strive to meet the changing needs of a family by offering personalized services and products, while still having the capability for a traditional funeral service for those that desire that option.

Giving you and your family a variety of options for end of life services is one of the many ways we can honor your loved one. Each family is unique and has different ideas of what is meaningful to them. We are here to help navigate those options, creating the most meaningful and comfort filled celebration reflecting a life well lived.

These Fiingerprint charms are great for a Parent or Grandparent to carry with them, when a new addition is born into the family or celebrating a new life or the end of a well lived life.

Precious Memories Fingerprint jewelry, such as a pendant, dog tag or key ring, exhibit the uniqueness of a fingerprint.

Death Questions.....?

Wed, 08 Nov 2017 21:05:24 GMT

Death Questions.....?

The topic of death for many families is never discussed until it happens among our closest loved ones. Why is this? Why can we not bring ourselves to discuss death in general, or why can we not discuss our own death, or that of a loved one?

Death in America, over the years, has become a taboo subject. We feel it isn't good dining table discussion, we can't mention it in casual conversation. We only confront the subject if we are forced to do so.

Many times one spouse or the other, will come to the funeral home and want some information about funerals, what options are available, financing options, but the other spouse refuses to discuss it or even get information for the future. Why is this.....? Denial? Do we think we are immortal? Are we ashamed to say we truly want something for ourselves? Why can't we bring ourselves to face this unavoidable event in our lives We plan for graduations, weddings, births, home purchases, all of lifes major events.......but we don't plan for death.

When a death happens within our close family ranks, we are forced to discuss it, and without ever mentioning it prior to need, we create more stress and heartache on our survivors. When the topic of death is discussed within a family from time to time, we become more comfortable with it, we are able to learn what our loved ones preferences are, what special things they want or don't want. Simply put, prior discussions make dealing with the actual death easier on those left behind.

Now, I am not saying you must go to a funeral home and make selections and prepay your funeral, although that is always a good idea, but by answering a few questions during a family discussion can open doors that make dealing with death easier.

** Have you written a will? Why or why not?

**Does your family have access to your social security number, parents names, your place and date of birth, your education level? Would they have an idea of how many death certificates they would need for bank accounts, probate, financial needs, insurance, stocks and/or bonds, retirement accounts, credit cards, royalties or trusts?

**What kind of funeral or service would you want? Burial, cremation, religious or non-religious, minister or family member, music/musicians, pallbearers, location of service, (church, park, family home, cemetery)?

**How would you want your survivors listed? Do you have both children and step children or grandchildren and would you want them all listed as children or children and then step children seperately, brothers, sisters, or other survivors that you want listed a particular way?

**Do you have a favorite charity that you would want your family to suggest for memorial donations?

**Are there certain options you definitely prefer to have or not have, (such as embalmiing or cremation)?

**How will your family or loved ones pay for these choices? Do you have life insurance or prepaid funeral plan, checking or savings? Does your family know where your important documents are located? Are they easliy accessible? Are your bank accounts where your family can still access and use funds while settling your estate?

**How would you want to be remembered? If you could choose 3-5 words that you'd hope were mentioned in your eulogy, what would they be?

As you see by the list above, there are many questions to be answered, in what most families feel, within a short amount of time. Even if your family knows much of the information, due to grief, they might be forgetful and not be able to supply the answers immediately, causing them to feel more frustrated.

Go ahead, have the discussion today! Your family will thank you!

If you would like further information, or a list of items to answer, please feel free to contact us. We would be honored to visit with you with no obligation.

Todd Abell, Abell Funeral Home & Flower Shop

Cremation Education Video

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 21:03:19 GMT

Cremation Education Video

This short 2 minute video gives some great information for any family considering cremation. It provides information for you and your family to consider when choosing cremation for your loved one.

CREMATION EDUCATION VIDEO

Managing Grief with Harry Potter

Thu, 30 Mar 2017 21:02:26 GMT

Managing Grief with Harry Potter

We go through many losses in life. It's hard to manage when we are dealing alone. By connecting with friends or fictional characters we might be able to better manage our loss.

Managing Grief Article

Dr. Janina Scarlet is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, a scientist, and a full-time geek. A Ukrainian-born refugee, she survived Chernobyl radiation and persecution. She immigrated to the United States at the age of 12 with her family and later, inspired by the X-Men, developed Superhero Therapy to help patients with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

Grief is just love.....

Thu, 23 Mar 2017 21:01:05 GMT

Grief is just love.....

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go” ~ Jamie Anderson

Grief is not a road we walk, or a journey we take. It is not a process that can be defined by stages we are told we must feel – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It is not a textbook diagram, or a framework we must comply to. It isn’t a task we must complete. We don’t push through it, we don’t move into it and out of it, we don’t follow a linear progression until we reach the other side of it.

There are no rules to grief. We can only succumb to it, surrender to it, let our hearts break open for it. It is an ebb and flow, a dance of pain and love, a coming together only to once again fall apart. It is a feeling of overcoming, only to awake every single morning in the arms of grief once more.

Grief is an alteration of who we once were, to who we now become. It is an adjustment of ourselves, an adaptation to our souls. We don’t work through our grief and return to who we once were.

There can never be a return to the people we once were. We are broken by grief; shattered. We can never look the same, mend the same, be the same. We lose fragments of ourselves, leave behind the pieces that cut too deeply, the pieces we long to forget, need to forget. Whatever we now become, we put together from the brokenness we scrounge from what little we have left.

Grief changes us.

Grief breaks us.

Grief is love with no place to go.

And so in our grief, the only thing to do is to give our love a place to go.

Love with word, love with deed, love with action.

Love one another so fiercely that our love is spent, that are chests are no longer hollow, that the lump in our throats hurts a little less.

Love for those who hurt the most, who have lost the most, and then love them even harder.

Because the truth about grief is that it never leaves.

Grief lasts as long as love lasts – forever.

Somehow, may love become light in the darkness of our grief.

My love, thoughts, and prayers are with my local community at this time, who have suffered a loss beyond comprehension. I don’t understand. I will never understand. But I know our hearts unite in love for those who have lost so much. May they know they are not alone.

Do we ever really say goodbye.......

Mon, 20 Mar 2017 20:57:57 GMT

Do we ever really say goodbye.......

Sam Osherson, PhD, is a therapist in private practice in Cambridge, MA, and a Professor of Psychology, Emeritus, at the Fielding Graduate University.

Coping with losing a loved one is one of life's great difficulties. If you have experienced the pain of mourning, you know that any way to ease the loss is welcomed. While our knowledge and study of grief continues to evolve, it's important to note that not everyone grieves the same way: We have individual patterns and outlets for grief.

We misunderstand loss when we assume that-- if you’re healthy-- after some time you get over it. In his classic essay, “Mourning and Melancholia,” Freud distinguished between the two. In essence, in melancholia the loss becomes chronic as the person cannot truly grieve and lives in a shut-down melancholy without the capacity for joy. With mourning, Freud explained, the person can “metabolize” the loss, digesting it, taking in the lost person and internalizing them as a part of themselves.

Yet maybe even this is too simple. Maybe there is an ebb-and-flow to our relationship with those we have lost. And, maybe the goal is not an all-or-nothing “final conversation,” in Roiphe’s sense. Perhaps the conversations with those we ‘ve lost just go on in their absence. Perhaps healthy grief means that we carry the person with us to talk with and learn from even after they’re gone. When things get tough, when we are facing difficult transitions, we re-engage with them in our individual, unique ways.

What is involved with Cremation?

Fri, 10 Mar 2017 20:56:24 GMT

What is involved with Cremation?

Cremation is an option for the final disposition of a deceased person, reducing the body to ashes by a heat process. It has been around for thousands of years. During the beginnings of cremation , the process was somewhat primitive, still obtaining the end result. Modern times and technology have allowed a more standardized version of the process. Numerous companies manufacture Cremation chambers or retorts that reduce the amount of time necessary to complete the cremation to about 2 hours.

Before a body can be cremated, a funeral director must first obtain authorization to cremate from the closest surviving family members(s). The other legal documents that must be in place prior to cremation can take a few days, a week or longer.

It is not necessary to embalm a body before the cremation unless the family chooses this to be done for viewing, funeral or other personal reasons.

The cremation container/casket containing the body is placed in the cremation chamber, sometimes referred to as the retort. The cremation chamber is lined with fire resistant bricks on the walls and ceiling while the floor is made from a special masonry compound formulated specifically to withstand the heat that will be produced during cremations.

Temperatures within the chamber often reach the 1800°F - 2000°F range, generally taking about 2 hours for completion.

Following the cremation process, a cool down period of 30 minutes to an hour is required before the cremated remains can be handled for further processing. Once the cool down is completed, the cremains are removed from the chamber, processed and placed in a plastic bag within a temporary cremation container or an urn, provided one is furnished to the crematory. The cremains are then returned to the family.

There are many decisions to be made when selecting cremation for yourself or a family member. Will there be a viewing for friends and family, or a private viewing for family only? Will there be a funeral service (with the body present), or a memorial service (without the body present)? Will the urn be displayed at a memorial service with photos and flowers? Where will the funeral or memorial service be held, church, park, arboretum, beach, or in the mountains? Will there be a reception at the funeral home or other location, without viewing, for the family to gather with friends? Will refreshments be provided at this reception? What will be done with the remains following the cremation? Burial in a cemetery, or at sea, scattered at a favorite location, or retained by the family in their home?

As with services followed by burial, services followed by cremation offer many options. If you or your family would like further information about cremation options, please feel free to contact us at Abell Funeral Home.

In Grief: When Can I Stop The Process

Wed, 31 Aug 2016 20:55:00 GMT

In Grief: When Can I Stop The Process

Grief comes in three stages: the beginning, the middle, and the rest of your life. ~ Candace Lightner

How will I know when I can stop the grieving process?

My friend, I have to ask you a question. If you had lost one of your limbs, would it be appropriate for someone to ask when you would stop noticing / missing / grieving the absence of your leg or your arm?

It seems to me that losing your beloved spouse is not unlike losing a significant part of yourself, as if half of you is gone. Grief is not an illness from which you will recover; it more closely resembles an amputation. Although an essential part of you has been severed and is no longer there in a physical way, you still remember vividly how much that part meant to you. While over time you may grow accustomed to your plight, to some extent you will struggle every day of your life to accommodate and adjust to the physical absence of that important part of you.

This loss of your beloved wife will be with you for the rest of your life. That is not to say that you will always mourn as intensely as you are grieving now, but you will never, ever forget your beloved. As you have already discovered, rather than recovering from your physical loss of her, you are finding ways to incorporate her life and her love into the rest of your own life. She is a part of you and always will be, and sometimes you will remember her with joy, and other times with tears. Both are okay.

Adjusting to your wife's physical absence in your life is not the same as "accepting" her death, either. We all must understand the fact that our precious loved ones have died and it is real, but there are some things in life that simply aren't acceptable. Some things are a mystery, beyond our understanding, and we all must find a way to live with them, just as you are doing now.

The Worst Kind of Suicide Shaming

Wed, 31 Aug 2016 20:53:53 GMT

The Worst Kind of Suicide Shaming

We had a funeral last week for an elderly man who died under hospice care. The family requested that the hospice’s chaplain, Chaplain Gerry, make a visit to their dying loved one. Gerry stopped around a couple times and made such a positive impression on the now deceased and the family that they asked him to conduct the funeral service.

After the service was done, the chaplain rode me with me in the lead car in the funeral procession, which led to some pretty serious conversations about his job on our way to the cemetery for the interment service.

Hospice chaplains have a unique combination of training in both spirituality and bereavement care, a necessary combination to be sure. I graduated from seminary and I know too well that seminary training severely lacks in bereavement training. Seminary students come out of school with their heads filled to the brim with so much God knowledge that they are nearly incapable of sitting in the human silence of death.

But not hospice chaplains. These women and men know how to tame their seminary training, they know how to sit in silence, listen and their view of God is rarely one that leads to such horrible sayings as, “It was God’s will” or “God never makes mistakes.”

I was talking to the chaplain about bad platitudes people use around death and he quickly got very mad as he recalled something from very early on in his career.

“Caleb,” he said. “I remember the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

“At the time, I was a new chaplain at Caln Hospital and I was also a new pastor of a small, local church. A lot going on all at once. Which is often what happens when you’re fresh out of seminary as a new pastor.”

“I got a phone call late one night and it was a member of our church calling me. She was just hysterical.”

“I was trying to get her to calm down so I could understand what she was saying. And finally, she caught her breath and she told me her son had just shot himself in the attic. He shot himself in the head. Dead.”

He continued, “I’d seen a number of suicides and suicide attempts at Caln Hospital, but I knew this boy.”

“About 10 minutes before the service started, the boy’s mother came to me crying. She said, ‘Gerry, I’ve been doing so good during the viewing and visitation’. Gerry specified that it was a huge viewing, full of “on-lookers” as he called them. “But,” she said, “someone just came up to me and told me that she’ll be praying for me because she can’t imagine what it must feel like to know he not only killed himself but now he’s in hell.”

“Is that true?” she pleaded with Gerry. “Is my boy really in hell?”

Gerry stopped telling the story momentarily to let it all sink in. “I gave her a huge hug, and I told her as confidently as I could, ‘He’s not in hell.’ But I was so pissed.”

I started to get angry too. So angry that I momentarily lost perspective as to what I was doing. When I get in these intense conversations with pastors while driving the lead car, sometimes I forget that I’m leading a line of 30 plus cars through the winding farm roads of Chester County. My anger translated to a heavy foot and before I knew it I had to slow down to let the hearse catch up.

I chimed in wanting to share my two cents. I have personally experienced suicidal ideation. And I knew that suicide usually happens when our pain trumps our hope. It happens when we feel like we’re causing more harm in the world than good. I suppose that there are some people who selfishly use suicide as vengeance, but for most people, it’s about pain. It’s about having one’s mind so clouded by pain, or sickness or mental illness that we feel like the best we can give the world is our absence from it.

Surely, I told Gerry, hell is the last place a loving God would send such a hurting person.

“The worst part is,” Gerry concluded, “is that all these years laters, that mother still calls me, asking me for reassurance. To this day, she can’t shake those words.”

Loneliness of Grief

Thu, 25 Aug 2016 20:52:00 GMT

The Unique Loneliness of Grief

Most people don’t think in depth about the idea of loneliness. Loneliness is one of those concepts we assume we know. We equate it to the very definable concept of being alone, which means “without other people”, and thanks to “lonely people” archetypes — like the spinster with 10 cats and the misunderstood teenager — we think we know exactly what loneliness looks like. The trouble is, loneliness is actually subjective (i.e. different from person to person), so there’s no way anyone can truly know what it looks like.

In the Encyclopedia of Mental Health (1998) researchers Daniel Perlman and Letita Anne Peplau define loneliness as, “The subjective psychological discomfort people experience when their network of social relationships is significantly deficient in either quality or quantity.”

In other words, loneliness occurs when a person’s social relationships don’t meet their interpersonal needs or desires. I want you to note, the above definition says nothing about the state of being alone, rather that loneliness is a feeling of discomfort that arises when a person subjectively feels unfulfilled by their social relationships.

Loneliness is dependent on what a person “needs and desires” and this measure is personal and varies drastically from one individual to the next. Based on this definition we see that prototypical characterizations of “loneliness” are misguided. Individual loneliness is defined by what a person wants in contrast to what they have. So whether a person has 100 great family and friends, if they long for something or someone they don’t have –like an intimate partner, a friend they can open up to, a group of people who “get them”, a family, etc – they are liable to feel lonely.

“Something or someone they don’t have….”

If you’re grieving you may feel this has become the story of your life. There are aspects of bereavement that make loneliness seem inevitable and unsolvable. Primarily, the fact that what you desire is your loved one and what you have is an emptiness molded so specifically to your loved one’s likeness that no one else could ever fill it.

People who are grieving are at a disadvantage when it comes to loneliness because the person they long for is forever gone. I’ve come to understand that loneliness after the death of a loved one is many things. Above all else, it’s the ache of having loved someone so much that pieces of you became them and pieces of them became you. When they were taken from this Earth a piece of you, your heart, and your history went with them and you were left behind to live a life that feels forever incomplete.

Now that your loved is gone there are parts of you that no longer make sense; the roles you both filled, the jokes and memories you shared, their part of the routine. What do you do with all these things now that your loved one is gone? If the common experience of feeling misunderstood and alienated in grief weren’t enough, you have now lost one of the few people in this world who really truly “got” you. You feel alone in a world full of a people….you feel lonely.

Not to make things seem worse , but once your brain starts thinking in an “I’m on my own so I have to look out for myself” kind of way, it may be primed to guard against others by interpreting their actions negatively and by pushing them away. When this happens feelings of loneliness, you guessed it, can perpetuate feelings of loneliness.

The loneliness of grief is not easily solved. It takes time and effort. Hardest of all, it requires acceptance. In order to lessen the loneliness you have to find a way to accept what simplyis and find fulfillment in the reality available to you. You will never fill your loved one’s void, that simply won’t happen. Instead, you have to work slowly, slowly to fill in the abyss.

How do you do this? I sadly can’t answer that for you. I guess I would say that, when ready, open yourself up to the love of people in your life. You don’t have to let go of your loved one, but simultaneously decide to accept the company and support of others and maybe, if necessary, seek out new people in the process. It won’t be easy and it won’t be perfect, but perhaps in time the hole left by your loved one will be filled by the love of many.

I'm Not Crazy

Wed, 10 Aug 2016 20:50:33 GMT

I'm Not Crazy

It was just over a year after Dominic’s accident, and a friend forwarded an article about odd behaviors of those who were “stuck” in grief. Along with the forward was a little tag, “Reminds me of you.”

It hurt my feelings.

And it was inappropriate.

Because not only had I not participated in any of the listed behaviors (most of which anyone would deem odd and some that were actually harmful) but as far as I could tell, I was doing pretty good, considering.

Considering I went to bed one night with four children alive and well and woke in the wee hours of the next day to the news that one was dead.

No warning. No good-byes.

Just gone.

In the months since that day I had gotten up each morning and taken care of necessary tasks. I was not abusing alcohol, drugs or food. I was still exercising when I could.

And I was engaged with my family — working with them to put the pieces of our shattered lives and hearts back together again.

Yes, I cried.

A lot.

No, I didn’t like to be around crowds.

I stayed at home much more than before. I struggled with anxiety when anything out of the ordinary happened. I found small talk hard to follow and forgot things (still do). And I was not participating in many “extra” activities.

I slept with Dominic’s pillows every night — it was a way to touch what was left of him.

But I was functioning.

My friend’s reaction to the fact that I was “still” grieving after a year is not all that unusual.

I speak to bereaved parents who are often made to feel by others as if they should “be over” the death of their child.

They are told to “move on.”

Or, in faith circles, to “be happy he is in heaven.”

Most mental health professionals agree that child loss is probably the most difficult loss anyone has to bear.

A simple Google search will turn up dozens of articles that support this understanding of a parent’s heartache and lifelong struggle to embrace the pain of losing a child.

Yet most people are unaware of this fact.

So I’m here to tell you — grieving mama, grieving dad —you are NOT crazy!

You are not overreacting to one of the most awful things that can happen to someone. Out of order death is devastating!

When asked about his son years after he had died, Gregory Peck replied, “I don’t think of him every day; I think of him every hour of every day.”

As I’ve written in a previous post, “Am I Normal?”

“No one thinks it strange that the ADDITION of a child is a life-long adjustment.

So, why, why, why is it strange that the SUBTRACTION of a child would also require accommodation for the rest of a mother’s life?”

I understand that if you haven’t walked this path, you can’t REALLY know what it’s like — even if you try.

I don’t want you to know this pain by experience.

It’s awful and unrelenting.

What I do want you to know is I am NOT crazy for missing my son. I am NOT crazy for wishing I could turn back the clock.

I am NOT crazy because this devastating, paradigm shifting, unbelievably painful event still impacts my everyday life.

Please don’t treat me like I am.

The best help a friend can offer is a listening ear — no judgement — and a hug that says, “I love you. And I’m sorry.”

Follow Melanie DeSimone on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DeSimoneMelanie

Rebuilding After the Death of a Loved One

Wed, 03 Aug 2016 20:48:00 GMT

Rebuilding after the death of a loved one

Rebuilding a life isn’t easy especially when we may not want to, feel like it, or know where or how to start. When just getting out of bed makes us so tired we want to crawl right back in. When we can hardly remember the way to the grocery store or our best friend’s phone number. When we don’t feel like cooking or eating, or want to eat everything in our sight. When the phone never rings when we need it to and rings all the time when we don’t. When we feel like we have been forgotten and our friends have gone on with their lives. When someone starts to talk of rebuilding, we may wish they’d just get on with their own life.

People Just Don’t Get It

If any of the above resonates with you chances are you are grieving the death of a loved one. There are probably people in your life who just don’t get it even if they sincerely want to help. Even though it’s hard when someone says the wrong thing it may be helpful to realize they are at least trying, while others make no attempt and will often do everything to ignore the griever, or avoid talking about their loved one. That can be infinitely more painful. Suddenly people we’d depended upon and considered friends disappear.

Try to be Receptive

As difficult as this can be the good news is there will also be some people there for you, that you would have never expected. As a well-known grief speaker and author, Dr. Alan Wolfelt says; “Grief has a way of re-writing your address book”.

Being open and receptive to the ones who are there for you is a first step towards healing. They may be people who have already been in the peripheral part of your life or people you meet after the death. There is another quote by someone that speaks to this. “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” It takes courage and stamina to begin again, two things that are in short supply when you are grieving. Allowing those who want to understand to support you, drawing on their courage and stamina is a good place to begin.

Deb Kosmer

Deb has worked at Affinity Visiting Nurses Hospice for ten years, the first two as a hospice social worker and the last eight as Bereavement Support Coordinator supporting families before and after the death of their loved ones. She provides supportive counseling, developed and facilitates a variety of grief support groups, including a well-attended group for men only as well as other educational events. Deb received her Bachelor’s degree in Social Work from UW-Oshkosh and her Master’s degree in Social Work from UW Milwaukee. She received her certification in Thanatolgy through ADEC. Her writing has appeared in New Leaf Magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone, Living with Loss, Grief Digest, numerous hospice publications and EAP publications. Some of her poetry on death and dying will be included in a college textbook for social workers in end of life soon. New Leaf has also used some of her poetry for a line of sympathy and anniversary of death cards. On a personal level, Deb’s 14-year-old son died after being struck by a car. Her 31-year-old sister had died in a car accident eight months earlier, and her 56-year-old father died from a heart attack exactly three years before. These three unexpected deaths within three years started Deb on a journey she never wanted to be on and she learned first-hand the importance of having the help and support of others. In the years since, she has experienced other losses, the most recent being the unexpected death of her 44-year-old step-daughter who died from complications three months after a routine surgery. Deb’s passions are writing, reading, education, nature, and family. She is currently working on a book of her grief poetry. She recently moved with her husband to Waypost Camp, Hatley WI. Her husband accepted a job there as Property Manager and his position allows them to live on-site with acres of woods and a lake. She anticipates the quiet beauty to be a strong catalyst for writing. Deb can be reached at debrakosmer@gmail.com.

Waves of Grief

Mon, 20 Jun 2016 20:45:09 GMT

Waves of Grief

Someone on reddit wrote the following heartfelt plea online: "My friend just died. I don't know what to do."
A lot of people responded. Then there's one older guy's incredible comment that stood out from the rest that might just change the way we approach life and death:

"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything....and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out on the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."

Father's Day......

Mon, 13 Jun 2016 20:43:36 GMT

Father's Day......

This month families all over will be gathering to celebrate Fathers Day. Families might meet for a BBQ, maybe go camping or even just pay a visit to spend time with their fathers. For many of us lucky enough to still have our fathers in our life this can seem like just another commercial holiday. But what about those whose father is no longer with them? Father’s Day can be just another cruel reminder of their loss.

The loss of a father can be a devastating blow to any family and the holiday to honor him only gives your family one more day to realize how much you miss him. Many have found sharing memories of their father with other family members and close friends is a helpful way to assist their own grieving process.

Taking the time to reflect with others, even though this might be painful, allows us to share and process the grief that we are feeling. If your family is gathering this year and you have experienced the loss of a father try this constructive idea. Have the whole family create a memory box in honor of Dad.

Some creative ideas for remembering…

Compile those memories! What were your first memories of your father? What are you grateful for? Ask your siblings or others for their input. Write them down.
Write a letter to your dad. Maybe recall a favorite time or a life lesson they left you with. Include the good and the bad. Fathers have a way of leaving a lasting impression on us!
Invite all members of the family to share their memories. Be sure to include the children and grandchildren so they can form their own memories of your family.
Create a personalized photo album in memory of your father. Family photos can help us remember and reflect when we are feeling down.
Make a memory box so that you have a safe place to keep all these memories. This special box can be pulled out and cherished year round on birthdays, family occasions and as younger family members grow up.

If your family has not experienced an immediate loss, be mindful of those you know who have. Consider your friends or neighbors who might have lost a child or another member of their family too soon. It is a huge gesture for you to reach out to those you know who may longer feel accepted or a part of this family holiday. There are many things that you can do to reach out to these individuals to make their day a little brighter.

If your friend is grieving…

You can send a card, or make a call. A small connection can remind them that you are thinking of them. A small gesture to you, but for the bereaved it can change their day.
Invite your friend to a meal, or to join you for a cup of coffee. Go see a movie or take a walk. A simple distraction might be a nice break from their grief. Just a temporary change of scenery might be helpful to your friend.
Be a source of comfort by listening, laughing, and crying.
Avoid offering easy answers and platitudes. This only invalidates grief. Be patient. Don’t try to rush your friend through their grief.

Be mindful of your friend and their emotions. They might not feel like hanging out or having visitors. Be respectful of their mood and understanding if they want to take a rain check on your offers. Being alone on Father’s Day with their memories might be just what they need.

Father’s Day can be a special day for celebrating and remembering our father, whether he is living or not. Take advantage of the day! It is my hope that you have the opportunity this year to use the holiday to take care of yourself and those around you, both immediate family and close friends. For more helpful tips on being mindful of those you care about checkout Grandy’s Cooking Tips from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss. - http://www.griefwatch.com/tear-soup-cooking-tips

webmaster@griefwatch.com

Abell Funeral Home providing quality personalized monuments

Tue, 07 Jun 2016 14:40:37 GMT

Abell Funeral Home providing quality personalized monuments

Did you know that Abell Funeral Home can provide you with high quality, personalized memorials?

Abell Funeral Home is partnered with a family owned monument company enabling us to provide the finest monuments that best express your wishes. We take the the time to listen and educate so you can choose the monument that best commemorates your loved ones life, providing you with that perfect memorial reflecting the life lived.

Cemetery monuments can be made from various materials, such as granite, marble or bronze. Granite is the most commonly used monument material in our area. It comes in various colors from greys, blacks and reds. Granite is a durable and natural stone and is normally the most cost effective. Marble is a softer material than granite, therefore not as popular, due to the fact that over the years our West Texas windstorms can sandblast the engraving away, making them hard to read. Bronze is a precious metal, and has to be cast with the design a family chooses. Due to the casting process, designs can sometimes be more limited that with granite or marble. Bronze monuments are often meant to be placed, or set, on a sturdier product, such as granite or concrete underlines.

With Abell Funeral Home, you will find a wide array of quality products that will create an everlasting memory of your cherished one's lifetime. We use state of the art computer programs allowing endless opportunities in design.

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Father's Day......

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Abell Funeral Home providing quality personalized monuments

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